blackroselament

At first i'm so afraid
of the new things that are now happening in your life,
i thought about leaving school and
even got scared of being alone because i thought you'll be gone forever
and leave me alone..

I know you have found the man that will make you complete,
who's now the father of your coming child..
I was so jealous that i even thought that i'll be losing you as my friend,
but i was wrong..
You stayed..
And  all the the more i need to stay for you,
to be there for you in the coming new phase of your life..

I'm happy to be a witness and become a part of all that has been happening in your life right now..

I'll always be here for you.


Always,
your bestfriend.

At first i'm so afraid
of the new things that are now happening in your life,
i thought about leaving school and
even got scared of being alone because i thought you'll be gone forever
and leave me alone..

I know you have found the man that will make you complete,
who's now the father of your coming child..
I was so jealous that i even thought that i'll be losing you as my friend,
but i was wrong..
You stayed..
And  all the the more i need to stay for you,
to be there for you in the coming new phase of your life..

I'm happy to be a witness and become a part of all that has been happening in your life right now..

I'll always be here for you.


Always,
your bestfriend.

It's been a while since I last opened my deviant art account,..
finally i got the chance to submit my works, share them to you again
and, write another journal.

Right now I'm in a state of confusion, an identity crisis perhaps..
.. It is only now that I realize how pessimist I am, how I view the world negatively
and how I look down on my self..

And it finally hit me that I already lost my true self.. my old self..
I am dealing now on how to admit that I have an inferiority complex,
(actually I'm writing this to finally admit that..)
It sucks to know that I'm beginning to hate myself..

And that is the one thing I don't want to happen..
I love myself,
more than I hate what I have already become,
and what I have done (bad things).
I blame myself for all the stupid things I have done, for all the failures and
and wrong decisions.. I even thought I am a burden to everyone..
It is how I view my world, how I view my life, how I view my self..

But then one person I love told me, I am not.
Told me I needed help, and she was  there all the way to help me,
make me realize my worth, but she said how could she when I have already closed my mind,
when I had already believed in what I wanted to believe, when i had already set my own,
dark, miserable perspective.

I want to change,
change my view of life,
and have faith in myself..

Be the sweet, admirable girl I had always been..
I wish soon I will Know how..



.. if someone is experiencing this same situation, or have already experienced it..
please.. feel free to comment..
i badly needed advice...

I'm just a newbie here at deviantart..
I'm happy that other people appreciate my works,
it boosts my self esteem, cause I've always doubted my talent..

Hopefully I'll meet lots of friends here and be inspired by their works too.
I'm really happy to be a part of this community, I feel really connected to other deviants because of their works, it's as if we have something common..
something in tangible.. I know it's because of art, and the love  and passion for it.

Till next time..